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The 20 Funniest George Wallace Tweets, Ever

Last updated: January 12, 2012 at 12:12 pm. Posted by in Celebrities, Flamingo Las Vegas, Las Vegas Casinos, Las Vegas Shows. Comments Off on The 20 Funniest George Wallace Tweets, Ever.

Flamingo Las Vegas headliner George Wallace has been in the comedy business a long time (he first did stand-up in 1977), and he’s still knocking them out of the park, especially on Twitter, the social networking platform considered by many to be the ultimate “humor delivery system.”

George Wallace

The man, the myth, the wiseacre and sage, comedian George Wallace.

We decided to delve into Wallace’s Twitter archives to collect his funniest Tweets. Here are his top 20 according to the Pulse of Vegas blog, an officially-sanctioned arbiter of all that is amusing. And that’s the story we’re sticking to.

Take it away, George!

1. “Shout out to the all the men out there stepping up, accepting responsibility and being fathers to my children.”

2. “Whenever people tell you something is intangible, tange it. Tange that thing with every ounce of your being.”

3. “I just saved a car from a burning person.”

4. “Someone just showed me a photo of their baby. Thought it was Yoda after a prison fight. I know you love that thing, but I’m trying to eat.”

5. “Just found out Otter Pops are made with imitation otter. Ain’t anything real these days?”

6. “How come they make Nicoderm but not Crackoderm? Those folks need help too.”

7. “Been to five stores and I can’t find fabric hardener anywhere.”

8. “I don’t believe in dogfighting, but I’d pay good money to see a dog argument.”

9. “Now I don’t wanna start a panic, but America is running out of cobbler.”

10. “There has never been a better time to refinance your Nikes.”

George Wallace

We'll give you a second or two here in case your cheeks are cramping up from all the LOLing.

11. “I don’t care if you’re the State Farm dude or not, you magically pop up behind me I’ll beat you like an egg.”

12. “Tonight I’m gonna walk on stage, drink a bottle of Pepto, take a box of Ex Lax, and let the audience watch ’em fight it out. Vegas baby!”

13. “Finally got my face on a food stamp.”

14. “Gerry Cooney was one of the best fighters named Gerry of his era.”

15. “The KKK could really help their image if they put polka dots or glitter on those cone hats. Also they could stop being complete a**holes.”

16. “My friends are always surprised when I French hug them.”

17. “I ain’t naming names, but people take a good, long look at your feet before you throw on open-toed shoes.”

18. “Every Uno deck should have a race card in it.”

19. “Why in the hell do they call it a glove box? Any of y’all got gloves up in there? They should call it a broken sunglasses random crap box.”

George Wallace

We go way back.

And this blog’s favorite George Wallace Tweet of all time:

20. “Bad news. My doctor says I need to stop eating bacon while he’s examining me.”

Clearly, George Wallace is intimately familiar with the funny.

Oh, and it should be mentioned, Wallace isn’t always just about the laughs. He’s got a big heart, too. Please note this recent Tweet: “In 2012, all active members of the military will receive a free ticket to my show at the @FlamingoVegas box office. We honor your service.”

Catch George Wallace at Flamingo Las Vegas. You can find, and follow, George Wallace on Twitter right here.

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